The day a make-believe potato destroyed the world

The day a make-believe potato destroyed the world 

Conservative cancel culture & the perpetually offended right-wing

By Ranting Panda, 1 June 2021

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to rile a conservative? There are so many ways. I mean, just mention how easily offended people are today. Said conservative will launch into a tirade about everyone being offended so easily these days. A great response is to agree and then pick a topic, like 'Black Lives Matter, 'Australia Day should be moved', or 'Trump is a traitor'. Bust out the pop-corn, sit back and watch the fireworks. It's kinda ironic how easily offended conservatives are as they wail about how easily offended everyone else is. 

Another way to rile a conservative is to talk about political correctness and being 'woke'. Apparently being woke or politically correct is bad. Just ask a conservative. 'Woke' is just another word for critical thinking, however conservatives idea of critical thinking is to go 'conclusion shopping', that is they will seek out confirmation bias to support their ignorant beliefs. Being woke means to appreciate people (regardless of differences), the environment, and science ... without bigotry or ignorance. Critical thinking means that a person would change their views if presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. It's not surprising that conservatives reject being 'woke'; they aren't renowned for their critical thinking or self-reflection abilities. They believe anything they are told if it confirms their own bigoted biases, while criticising science and academic study. 

For conservatives, being 'woke', being considerate of others, the environment, and appreciating science, are all part of a Marxist plot.

But my personal favourite way to peeve a conservative is to discuss 'cancel culture'. Holy. Mother. Of. God. They will go off like a fruit bat in a mango tree at sunset! They'll get their knickers in a twist every tim; which doesn't solve anything, but it makes them walk funny. Conservatives often melt down over left-wing 'cancel culture'. Which is ironic because conservatives cancel everything!

Dare to question a conservative's uninformed opinion and they'll screech that their freedom speech is being curtailed, that everyone is easily offended, and that they're SICK AND TIRED of political correctness, woke snowflakes, lefty scientists, and GOD DAMN neo-Marxist cancel culture! Funny shit, really. 

Conservatives continue living in the dark ages, condemning anything and anyone who questions their ignorance.

Actual image of conservative cancel culture

A couple of recent decisions offended the sensibilities of conservatives so much that they took to social media to wail about 'do-gooder snowflakes' and 'political correctness gone mad'.

One decision was by Dr Seuss Enterprises, who decided to cease production of six of their own books that they felt were overtly racist. This was a business decision of the company and not the result of campaigning by any group (Helmore, 2021). Conservatives claim the books were banned by lefty snowflakes, however, they were not banned nor have they become illegal; they are just not being published because of a decision by the publisher. 

The second decision was by Hasbro who manufacturers the Mr Potato Head series. Hasbro rebranded it to 'Potato Head'. 

Yeah. That's it. Offended yet? Well ... our resident conservative snowflakes melted down like a ... er ... snowflake in the heat. 

Apparently, the 'de-genderisation' of a pretend potato was some sort of left-wing woke agenda to remove gender from society ... according to conservatives. In fact, according arch-conservative commentator, Piers Morgan, this was a harbinger of the apocalypse: '... woke imbeciles are destroying the world' (Mellor 2021).  It was nothing of the sort. Try to follow me here. There is the brand and then there are the products within that brand. The products include Mr Potato Head, Mrs Potato Head, and soon there will be little Potato Head children. Hasbro felt it looked a bit weird packaging Mrs Potato Head with a Mr Potato Head brand sitting on it, so they made the brand 'Potato Head' in order to more openly accommodate the various products sitting under that brand. So conservatives need not panic or rush out and stock up on Potato Heads, because Mr Potato Head, Mrs Potato Head and all the little child Potato Heads will still be available. 

The great Potato Head Crisis of 2021 was summed up nicely by Jon Stewart on Twitter.

Some years are defined by a significant event. For instance, 2020 has been defined by the emergence of the global Covid-19 pandemic. Surely, it couldn't get any worse right? Well, 2021 was particularly troubling for Conservatives, because the year was bookended by the Great Potato Head Crisis in February and the Big Bird Controversy in November. Focusing on the big things, Conservatives lost their collective minds over ... checks notes ... Big Bird. In case you're not familiar with this particular character, Big Bird is a muppet from Sesame Street ... a make-believe character of a giant, feathery bird. Said character innocuously tweeted in support of Covid vaccinations. The Conservative establishment melted down like ice-cubes on a hot bitumen road in the middle of summer in North-West Queensland. Big Bird (a pretend character remember) was accused of being a Communist and promoting government propaganda (Gillespie 2021). After all, sending a community health message is Communism according to the ultra-right-wing extremists who seem to dominate the Conservative establishment. 

Speaking of make-believe characters, there is the global phenomenon, Harry Potter, the fictional boy-wizard created by best-selling author, J.K. Rowling. Across the globe, conservative Christians burned or destroyed the Harry Potter books because they depicted witch-craft (Tucker, 2017). Those who didn't burn the books, often protested at cinemas showing the Harry Potter movies, or campaigned to have the books banned or removed from libraries. In 2017, conservative voters torched the books for political reasons, not religious ones. J.K. Rowling was openly criticising the inept, bumbling and racist Donald Trump. Of course, Trump supporters are not well known for having thick skins, so they react poorly to critical thinking and criticism. Trump's cult-like, brainwashed fan-base melted down like snowflakes dropped in a witch's hot cauldron ... 'double, double, toil and trouble'. They burned Rowling's books because of her opposition to Trump (Brockell, 2021). 

It is kind of funny how conservatives melt down over these things while accusing the left-wing of being snowflakes. 

Trivial things trigger intolerant minds.

Some commentators have even blamed President Biden and the Democratic Party for the Dr Seuss and Hasbro decisions, even though they had nothing to do with it (Cillizza, 2021). However, the reality is that conservatives confected their outrage by misrepresenting the facts ... yet again. 

Conservatives talk of 'cancel culture' and 'political correctness gone mad', yet they have their own forms of political correctness and cancel culture. For instance, it is politically incorrect in conservative mindsets to behave in an 'unpatriotic' manner, such as criticising the military action of conservative governments. When the ABC reported on complaints that the Australian military had physically abused asylum seekers, many conservatives claimed it was left-wing bias and that the ABC were traitors ... even though there was video evidence. Similar conservative outrage was unleashed when the ABC reported on alleged war-crimes by the Australian military in Afghanistan. Apparently, it was terribly unpatriotic to expect that Australia's defenders of democracy would not commit war crimes. 

When a journalist named Yasmin Abdel-Mageid tweeted about Anzac Day in a manner that was politically incorrect for conservatives, they were so offended that they unleashed a torrent of vile abuse, including threatening her with rape and murder. Yasmin left Australia in the wake of this abuse. This is a shocking example of conservative cancel culture, and is far worse than degenderising a make-believe potato.

Remember when conservative Christians tried to cancel rock music? It was reminiscent of the Central Scrutinizer in Frank Zappa's album, Joe's Garage, in which music was banned. In fact, some Christian conservatives even went so far as to try to cancel anything with a 4/4 beat ... which was a bit awkward when they realised that quite a few Christian songs are based on 4/4. Some pastors quite seriously explained that 4/4 was the devil's music because it emulated the beats of our heart. Yes, the heart has 4 chambers, so 4 beats, so 4/4 is of the devil. I wish this was one of those light-hearted non sequiturs, but no ... they were serious as a ... er ... a heart attack.

Here's a reminder of conservative cancel culture in action:

• cancelled Dixie Chicks and burned their merchandise when they criticised the 2003 invasion of Iraq
• boycotted the NFL because Colin Kapernaeck knelt during the national anthem in solidarity with Black Lives Matter
• boycotted Cadbury Chocolate because of Easter Eggs that dared not mention 'Easter' ... even though they were chocolate eggs ... and sold at Easter ...
• boycotted shops and hounded celebrities who said 'happy holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'.
• boycotted Nascar because it banned confederate flags
• tried to ban Dungeons and Dragons because they believed it to be 'demonic'.

Diversity and inclusion are not high on the conservative agenda. As long as minorities and under-represented people tow the conservative line, then they might be tolerated by conservatives. If minorities want to be heard, to have equality, then conservatives will carry on about political correctness going mad and that the world is being taken over by a some sort of neo-Marxist agenda. In other words, minorities and under-represented people can be seen but not heard.

In May 2021, Australian Defence Force chiefs made the decision to ban diversity and inclusion activities, such as morning teas and lanyards (Greene & Mannheim, 2021). Apparently, this would make Australia a safer place. What it really showed was that as far as the ADF is concerned, Australia is for white, straight males. It meant that conservative cancel culture had cancelled morning teas or wearing rainbow lanyards or ally pins that supported events such as Harmony Day, Women's Day, National Reconciliation Week, or International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Interphobia and Transphobia (IDAHOBIT). In other words, if you support these issues, conservative snowflakes have one message: don't be seen or heard.

Conservative cancel culture has been with us a long-time. You may recall many centuries ago, the burning of witches, and the Spanish Inquisition. In the 1950s, we saw something similar with the 'Reds under the bed' fear-mongering, in which hundreds of people were arrested, imprisoned, and their careers destroyed, for allegedly have left-wing sympathies. 

In the 1980s, Queensland was very much a hick state with an exceptionally conservative, authoritarian, and corrupt government led by Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen, supposedly a Christian. Jackboot Joh, as he was known, used the cops as his own personal attack dogs to violently quell protests and concerts. After all, how dare people protest against South African apartheid or the export of uranium, or march in solidarity with indigenous issues. How dare they attend concerts and have fun. Joh's fun police even raided record stores to remove albums that may offend the sensitive ears of conservatives ... even though conservatives would never listen to those albums any way. Joh hated communism so much that he established a fascist police state. He hated anyone who aligned themselves with left-wing politics, including the community radio station, 4ZZZ. Apart from supporting human rights causes and local music, Triple Zed was also holding the government to account over allegations of corruption and police brutality. Thankfully, Triple Zed outlasted Joh and his fascist dictatorship. 

By 1979, Triple Zed was operating out of the iconic and heritage-listed ballroom, Cloudland, which it also used for hosting large international and local bands that drew the ire of Joh and his police bully-boys. Many of ZZZ's journalists were subject to police surveillance and intimidation, and in some cases their homes raided (Stafford, 2004); so paranoid was the government of anyone who questioned them. On the morning of 7 November 1982, Brisbane residents woke to find that Cloudland had been demolished overnight. Joh had directed its illegal demolition without a permit. The demolition was an act of political bastardry against journalism, music and the young people who frequented Cloudland.

Conservatives can't claim the high moral ground against cancel culture, particularly when they are perpetually fearful and looking for things to offend their myopic sensibilities. Recently, they cancelled Coca-Cola, because the world's largest beverage company dared to criticise the Republicans for their anti-democratic voter suppression laws in Georgia (Carter, 2021). 

Conservatives have a very liberal approach to truth. The truth is whatever they say it is, regardless of the facts. Dare to contradict this narrative and you'll find yourself cancelled ... or worse. Conservatives seem to believe that Truth is a tool that Antifa uses to destroy democracy. Give them alternative facts so they don't have to deal with substantiated facts that contradict the comfortable lies they like to believe.

The Godfather of Conservative Hogwash is Donald Trump, former president who told thousands of lies while in power, who embraced and promoted racism, hate-speech, white-supremacy, and normalised lying as 'alternative facts'. In the face of overwhelming evidence that Trump lost the 2020 election, he tried to gaslight the United States into believing the election had been stolen from him. It was truly the most remarkable piece of blatant bullshit by a president in the history of the United States. His gullible followers believed him and refused to accept the legitimacy of the election. On 6 January 2021, whipped into a brainless furore by the Trumpenfuhrer, they stormed Congress in an attempt to cancel the election results. The attack on Congress went further than mere conservative cancel culture; it was an act of treason, of sedition. Republicans have since voted against holding an inquiry into the storming of the Capitol (SBS News, 2021), because they know they are culpable. Conservatives claim to be patriots, but that very act showed they are nothing but gutless traitors who act like spoilt kids if they don't get their own way. They hate democracy, because they don't want anyone else to have a say in running the country. Put it this way, these deluded snowflakes were so offended by losing an election that they tried to cancel democracy. Forget Marxist cancel culture, conservatives showed us fascist cancel culture ... these nutters are extremists, they are terrorists, they are cowards, they are traitors. 

What conservatives call cancel culture, is merely people asking that they be treated with respect. Ironically, conservatives will bemoan the lack of respect in today's society, while defending why they should be able to disrespect, abuse and denigrate others. Respected Australian entertainer, Kamahl, was subject to years of racist taunting while performing on the TV show, Hey Hey It's Saturday. He recently made the observation, 'I know they call it cancel culture, but they’re not stopping culture. They’re only trying to limit unnecessarily vulgar or crude terminology or gags or whatever ... If something has merit, if it is witty, if it’s clever, so be it. If it’s crap, maybe we can do without it' (Stafford, 2021).

The problem is that conservatives can't handle criticism. They accuse others of being sensitive snowflakes who are easily offended. Yet, the perpetually offended conservatives have a victim-mentality in which they believe they are being persecuted and their freedom of speech stifled whenever someone argues with them. Challenging falsehoods is not persecution. Asking someone to stop abusing someone else does not make the abuser a victim. All it demonstrates is the persecution-complex that conservatives wallow in.

Cancel culture is an innate part of the conservative psyche. They've been doing it for centuries. 

References

Brockell, G, 2021, Burning books: 6 outrageous, tragic and weird examples in history, The Washington Post, 13 November, viewed 15 November 2021, https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2021/11/13/book-burning-history.

Carter, A, 2021, Republicans are cancelling Coca-Cola after company denounced Georgia voting law, Now This, 7 April, viewed 7 April 2021, https://nowthisnews.com/news/republicans-are-cancelling-coca-cola-after-company-denounced-georgia-voting-law.

Cillizza, C, 2021, Why Republicans think Dr. Seuss and Mr. Potato Head can save them, CNN, 3 March, viewed 1 June 2021, https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/02/politics/cancel-culture-potato-head-muppets-dr-seuss/index.html. 

Gillespie, E, 2021, The tweet from Big Bird that caused waves of backlash from US Republicans and anti-vaxxers, SBS News, 9 November, viewed 14 November 2021, https://www.sbs.com.au/news/the-tweet-from-big-bird-that-caused-waves-of-backlash-from-us-republicans-and-anti-vaxxers/c72d7924-a22c-43c8-9801-f5569206a25f. 

Greene, A and Mannheim, M, 2021, Defence declares war on political correctness, bans morning teas aimed at promoting inclusion and diversity, ABC News, 21 May, viewed 21 May 2021, https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-05-21/defence-chief-angus-campbell-political-correctness-morning-teas/100156436.

Helmore, E, 2021, 'It's a moral decision': Dr Seuss books are being 'recalled' not cancelled, expert says, The Guardian, 7 March, viewed 1 June 2021, https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/mar/07/dr-seuss-books-product-recall-cancel-culture. 

Mellor, J, 2021, Best reactions as usual mouthpieces are foaming over a genderless Potato Head, The London Economic, 26 February, viewed 1 June 2021, https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/best-reactions-as-usual-mouthpieces-are-foaming-over-a-genderless-potato-head-222403/. 

SBS News, 2021, US Senate Republicans block bipartisan inquiry into the deadly 6 January Capitol riot, 29 May, viewed 29 May 2021, https://www.sbs.com.au/news/us-senate-republicans-block-bipartisan-inquiry-into-the-deadly-6-january-capitol-riot.

Stafford, A, 2004, Pig City - from The Saints to Savage Garden, Chapter 8 - Everybody Moves, Kindle 2014 edition.

Stafford, A, 2021, 'I felt humiliated': Kamahl on racism, Hey Hey It’s Saturday and cancel culture, The Guardian, 27 March, viewed 27 March 2021, https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2021/mar/27/i-felt-humiliated-kamahl-on-racism-hey-hey-its-saturday-and-cancel-culture.

Tucker, T, 2017, What do protests about Harry Potter books teach us?, The Conversation, 26 June, viewed 15 November 2021, https://theconversation.com/what-do-protests-about-harry-potter-books-teach-us-79327. 

Updated 15 November 2021